A Beautiful Wall

Perhaps most importantly, the proposed wall will falsely proclaim its own magnificence much as President Trump falsely proclaims his own magnificence.

In particular, the clear dihydrogen monoxide binder allows for the placement of lighting throughout the structure. This lighting not only will help ICE defend and protect the wall and the United States side of the border, it is designed to present an ever-changing reflection of the feelings of the true citizens of the United States. Plugged into the “mood” of the country, this giant mood ring will shift in color based on the approval rating of the president.

Initially, due a shortage in multicolor LEDs, only red lights will be installed signaling dissatisfaction, fear, and loathing. It is our assumption that there will be little need for any other colors during the next three to four years.

Any wall segments awarded near the end of the five-year IDIQ contracting period will include a greater number of blue and yellow lights signaling relaxation and love. Truly multicolored, rainbow mood lights may not be available for some time due to anticipated challenges to their constitutionality.