Our Wall Proposal
Knowing that the law mandates that the Government read them all, we wanted to see how hard it was to submit an official proposal to build the wall.
As it turns out, it is not difficult.
The Government asked for ten page proposals from interested contractors.
Here is our first official submission.
The Solid Concrete Border Wall
I am pleased to present this response to the Solid Concrete Border Wall solicitation. The proposed wall is truly exceptional and will easily exceed all of the stated objectives of the solicitation. Based on well-reviewed designs, the wall has a theoretical life of hundreds of years. The self-healing nature of the solution limits the need for expensive repairs or resurfacing.
The design is based upon a low-cost but effective concrete mixture utilizing industrial grade, wear resistant, multi-colored, mineral aggregates ranging in size from 5mm to 5cm. While other sizes could yield comparable results, restricting the mineral aggregates to these dimensions yields a particularly alluring optical effect when rigidly bound within a solid dihydrogen monoxide lattice. This mixture offers a self-healing capacity not-found when using a more typical and lower performing Portland cement binder. The resulting solid concrete can be formed into very-large structures.
The binder material is strong enough to support a phenomenally imposing and virtually impenetrable wall. However, to be fully compliant with the requirement for a solid concrete wall, we are proposing an enhanced wall using an absolutely beautiful and supremely effective mixture of the dihydrogen monoxide with the perfectly selected industrial grade, wear resistant, multi-colored, mineral aggregate.
As an example of the power of majesty of the proposed wall design, it is useful to look to the already existing walls of this type to the northeast of the United States and far to the south of the United States. The wall to the northeast was constructed along a national, largely unpatrolled and very sparsely inhabited border very similar in these respects to sections of the Mexican border. Critically important to this procurement, this wall has prevented all illegal immigration into the interior of the country. To my knowledge, there has not been a single reported case where an illegal immigrant has scaled this wall and successfully taken up residence in the interior of the country.
While the example to the northeast is particularly impressive, some might argue that the climate to the northeast is not sufficiently representative of the border area along Mexico.
The second example I would like to provide is a continental scale application of the same technology far to the south of Mexico. The wall to the south is approximately 11,000 miles long and is hundreds of feet high in most locations. More people cross the Mexican border in a single day than have crossed the barrier to the south in known human history. To my knowledge, no illegal alien has ever successfully navigated the boundary to the south, but this is more difficult to measure as the international status of the wall makes such immigrant comparisons tricky. Still, despite being unable to absolutely attest to the illegal alien penetration statistics of the southern wall, it is universally considered a virtually impenetrable barrier.
From a maintenance standpoint, both of these walls have demonstrated their stability and utility over virtually the entire biblical record. While this information cannot be strictly proven as there are no living beings from its origin, it is likely that these walls existed on the third day of creation. Virtually all scientists believe these structures have actually stood for hundreds of thousands of years. They have stood all this time without external maintenance or tax assessments.
However, it should be noted for cost and practicability reasons, the design proposed here does not completely follow the implemented systems to our northeast and south. It is true that these systems as implemented would exceed the requirements of the solicitation. In fact, it is likely that if similar walls were constructed in the United States, the solution would not only eliminate all possibility of illegal aliens entering our country, it would likely force all existing illegal aliens within the country to leave. While I would like to propose such a solution as it would return control to our borders, the levels of binder versus aggregate in the naturally formed solutions may not meet the specific requirement for a solid concrete wall.
Consequently, I have based the proposed design on a design which has been reviewed in print by over 60 million people and viewed online by a similar number. It is by far the most popular and effective wall in existence. There is simply no wall as popular as this wall.
Unfortunately, I had to design the proposed wall solely from visual pictures and expert descriptions of the Westeros wall. While I have seen picture and video of the wall on television and written descriptions of the wall in wildly popular text, I have not personally seen the wall. By description, it has prevented the overrun of Westeros by an irreligious band of violent white-walkers. These illegal aliens have attempted to invade Westeros multiple times. The devastation and depravity of these illegal aliens exceed even the immoral aggressions of ISIS. By all accounts, the wall has been the only thing which has protected Westeros from violent takeover.
Unfortunately, it appears that the wall is not currently being adequately supported. Too few Night’s Watch (the equivalent of our ICE) have been available to patrol and defend the wall. Recent efforts to naturalize aliens from across the border have resulted in excessive violence at the wall and appear to have only increased the likelihood of a white walker breakthrough.
Fortunately, the wall proposed here will receive the necessary manning and support required to make it a truly impenetrable barrier. This is not to say that the wall proposed will require an excessive amount of technical support. While I cannot speak to those proposals which I have not seen, I am confident that if the United States contracted for the wall I am proposing, it would provide a barrier of superior magnitude requiring fewer ICE patrols to maintain vigilance and insure the safety of those at risk from bad hombres.
Click an image to see other sections of our proposal.